Note to self: When planning to take a paid tour of your own town or city, make sure that the tour is somewhat unique or even obscure – to prevent the possibility of knowing more than your guide.
That wasn’t the case on my recent Fat Tire bike tour of Chicago, but whatever – (full disclosure) it was free (from my trip to TravelCon 2019). And it was a chance to see the city from a tourist’s point of view, as well has get some exercise on a glorious, sunny day.
To be frank, my guide didn’t stand much of a chance: 1) He was just 25 (I am at least “several” years older!); 2) He had lived in Chicago for only five years (vs. “much longer” for me); and, 3) He was in his final week of employment – not exactly the best incentive to be pithy.
Let the tour begin
We met for the 2 pm tour (US$39) at the Fat Tire office, at 901 South Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago, just across from Grant Park. Over the next three hours, we would go from Buckingham Fountain through Millennium Park to Navy Pier; up the bike path along Lake Michigan all the way to the Lincoln Park Zoo; and, then all the way back down Wells Street, from the Chicago History Museum, past the Merchandise Mart and south through Printers Row.
It was a lot to cover, especially if your guide planned to talk about all that you would see. Like, “the Merchandise Mart used to be the largest office building in the world” or “it was until recently owned by the Kennedys.”
But that’s the thing. When you take a bike tour in a heavily congested, urban area there is one key to remember: Pay attention! So, basically, we would ride along silently in single file, with stops at particular points of interest. Ride, stop. Ride, stop. That’s the ticket.
I’d suggest adding headsets or a microphone (how about a megaphone?) of some sort to the tour, for continuity and filling up some of that quiet time with fun facts. But it probably would be too distracting – and dangerous. And besides, I interrupted the poor guide often enough.
“Excuse me, sir. Did you see that? Did you know that building was … ” blah blah blah – much to his chagrin but to the delight of the other riders (Baltimorians), who loved the extra tidbits.
To be sure, I was just trying to add a little color. Not where the latest drive by shooting took place. Or where the kids OD during Lollapalooza. Stuff like, “That building under construction? That’s the 93-story Vista Tower. It’s the tallest building in the world that was designed by a woman-led firm (Jeanne Gang, of Studio Gang Architects). And it’s the largest Chinese investment in Chicago.”
Other examples of spectacular items of interest for which I was paid absolutely nothing:
- Noisy nests: There is a colony of rare black-crowned night herons that nest atop the trees just north of the Chicago History Museum.
- Fore! From 1994 to 2001, downtown Chicago had the only urban golf course in the United States. It was a par 3 course built on city-owned land right at Lake Shore Drive on the south side of the Chicago River. There was a real estate crash at the time, so the city needed a creative solution. Voila!
- Rooftop strippers: Prisoners inside the Cook County Jail used to have their girlfriends and / or strippers dance on the roof of the private parking garage lot across the street.
Our guide didn’t like that last one.
“It only happened once,” he said.
“Totally false.” I whispered to the other riders. “It happens all the time and has been going on forever. And, since it’s private property there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it.”
Which may not be completely true … but makes for a more titillating tale. Literally.
To be clear, I don’t know everything. In fact, many people who will remain nameless, would say I don’t know anything at all. But I digress. Here are three things I actually did learn from our young guide:
- Pretty in pink: The iconic pink neon sign above The Drake Hotel was replaced in 2013 with an LED sign. They couldn’t find a matching pink, so they went with a purplish version instead.
- Fake Revolutionary War news: There is a piece of a gigantic chain (aka the Putnam Chain) behind the Chicago History Museum. Originally, it was thought to be from an inherited collection of artifacts from the Revolutionary War, where soldiers reportedly stretched the chains across the river to thwart British ships. A scientist who studied the metallic composition of the chain said it was made in the late 1800s, thereby debunking the story, at which point the Smithsonian shelved its display.
- Oh, the irony: There is a statue of Ulysses S. Grant in Lincoln Park and a statue of Abraham Lincoln in Grant Park.
Enough said.
IF YOU GO: Fat Tire Tours offers bike, segway and combo tours in Chicago as well as several other major cities in the United States and Europe. This three-plus hour bike tour cost US$39.
