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When driving solo for 6,000 miles, entertainment is critical. I’m no audiophile – you’ll never see me with earbuds – so I mostly flip old school through AM and FM radio stations in search of something that appeals to me. Alternative music. A good story on NPR. Bizarre local news.

For some reason, I don’t have a single CD with me, but both front doors are packed with cassettes. Now that’s one benefit of driving a 19-year-old car: Mix tapes!

In Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, I tune in to some sort of “Sports Talk” show. They’re yapping about how good the season is going to be for the Bears. But then they start to talk about how big the Bears are – on average 185 to 225 pounds. And I was, like – that’s tiny for the NFL. The Bears are going to SUCK! Then the conversation turns to deer and I realize it’s a hunting show. Moron.

In Minnesota, the big news is morning DUIs are way up since COVID. And some dude tried to steal a disabled houseboat off Nicollet Island near downtown Minneapolis. The perp said that under maritime law, he was entitled to salvage the boat. Instead, as he slowly drifted down the mighty Mississippi, he got tased.

In North Dakota, near Fargo, I hit radio pay dirt. “Pictures of Matchbook Men” by Status Quo and “Rock Me Amadeus” by Falco – back to back. In North Dakota? So bizarre. Like listening to CBK, Canada’s public radio station out of Regina, across much of Montana. But hey – even the CBC is better than the local agriculture or cattle report.

Below is a recap of the drive’s greatest hits, state-by-state: 

• Illinois: My go-to FM station – WXRT 93.1 – although I am skewing rapidly toward MeTV 87.7
• Michigan: Radio in the UP? I thought it was just Hannity 24/7
• Wisconsin: Mostly NPR and election / protest talk, with a splash of grouse season tips for good measure 
• Minnesota: Without a doubt, “When Doves Cry” (1984) by Prince, the perfect complement to a studio tour
• North Dakota (TIE): Some crazy FM radio station out of Fargo plays – in succession – “Rock Me Amadeus” (1985) by Falco and bubblegum psychedelia “Pictures of Matchstick Men” (1968) by Status Quo – you know, the one that starts with the somewhat annoying but brilliant four-note, off-key guitar riff (see video above)?
• Montana: Right when I cross the border, it’s “Sleeping Single in a Double Bed” (1978) by Barbara Mandrell
• Idaho: Yes – it’s time for mix tapes and cassettes from the ’90s! “Boogie Nights” (1976) by Heatwave and “Caminando por la Calle” (1989) by Gypsy Kings
• Wyoming: No, I’m not joking – “Big Bad John” (1961) by Jimmy Dean
• South Dakota (TIE): Hard rocking South Dakota features any song with the word “Hell” in the title, like “Hell is for Children” (1980) by Pat Benatar and “Highway to Hell” (1979) by AC/DC
• Iowa: “Fat Bottomed Girls” (1978) by Queen, seriously?